That two weeks later, we're still talking about Tiger Woods at Turnberry isn't surprising. Just about everyone... from the oddsmaker to the the average fan... was predicting a win. Some even used the word landslide.
What few would have guessed in early July, was that so much of this extended, Open Championship postmortem would revolve around what some are calling "Tiger's on-course antics" or "Tiger Tantrums." Or simply Tiger's unacceptable behavior.
I was one of many who wrote about the debate last week, and the response I got... via email and comments... was surprisingly divergent. So much so, that I feel compelled to write a few final words on the topic...however self-indulgent that may be.
What I found most fascinating was the whole "role model" issue, and the fact that many felt Tiger Woods owed it to ...well...everyone, I guess...to be a role model.
My opinion as articulated in my post, was quite contrary to that... to the extent that some suggested I shouldn't "criticize parents for expecting stars/athletes/musicians/etc to be role models", particularly as I don't have children of my own. That's fair enough I suppose, however, I'm not actually criticizing them, I'm just voicing my opinion (like the Rick Reilly piece that inspired it, mine was an opinion-post). And IMHO, we don't have the right to expect entertainers to be role models just because they're in the public eye. Because after all, everyone has different standards and values. Whose standards and values should these stars project? Yours or your neighbor's? What about the values of fans in Brazil or Dubai or Japan? No, I feel these stars should, and in most cases will, project their own personal values.
And again it comes back to parents. They're the ones who need to embody and encourage the values they want their children to embrace. And they need to actively invest in living and teaching these values... 24/7... if they wish to instill them. Because the fact is, maybe Tiger Woods or Lance Armstrong or Oprah Winfrey or... whoever, doesn't share your values.
Living your values and being your children's role model, requires extreme dedication and constant engagement. It requires putting yourself on a back burner most of the time. That's one of the reasons I made a conscious choice not to have kids myself. I knew I'd have trouble with that...with the kind of dedication it would take. And I didn't feel I was up to the task of consistently being the kind of roll model I'd want my kids to have. So yes... If I did have kids of my own I would probably be wanting entertainers to be roll models...to share a bit of the responsibility with me, maybe pick up a bit of slack. But I knew I couldn't/shouldn't expect that, and I made the decision I did. It wasn't an easy decision - I love kids - but I'm convinced it was the right one.
One thing I found surprising was that most of the women who weighed in on this issue - via email or comments in response to my blog... or writing on other blogs or websites - have not been highly critical of Tiger Woods. Many of them are proud Moms, yet don't seem to be looking to Mr. Woods to be a role model. Most of the complaints (and the most strident of them) were from Men and it's Men by and large, who seem to be demanding that Tiger clean up his act and be a role model. This made me wonder.My husband, who's been known to
Several years ago, Tiger's own Dad, the incomparable Earl Woods, had this to say in a Golf Digest interview: "Yes, Tiger is known to swear on the course. You can't have it both ways. You can't have the fire, intensity, competitiveness and aggressiveness if you don't blow off steam. Profanity is the language of youth. I don't say it's right, I just say that's the way it is."
I'm quite sure the Senior Mr. Woods was totally confident in the influence he had over his son. And well he should have been. IMHO.
Photo: © Doug Benc, Getty Images ❀
You hit the nail on the head, PH, a few times. If you are letting TV personalities have significant influence on your children, you are doing a lousy, lousy job as a parent. Most kids hear those words and see bad behavior before age eight IN THEIR OWN HOMES.
ReplyDeleteYour hubby is right also. Many people have waited fourteen years to call Tiger out on something. And, this is all they have come up with? Get a life, guys, the girls seem okay with it for the most part.
That quote from Earl sure shut up a lot of people also.
There are many fathers, and Earl Woods was surely one of them, who are extremely involved with raising their children, but it's true that there are also many who aren't. In some cases it's work and commuting that keep them away in others it's lack of patience but I see how that can translate into what you're talking about. I spent a lot of time traveling for work when my children were growing up. When I was around I was always much more cautious about what they watched and listened to than my wife. In the end they turned out great but I do wish I'd been around more.
ReplyDeleteI have never watched that Nike commercial about Tiger and his father without crying.
ReplyDeleteThe point is that you can have it both ways. Jack Nicklaus, Tom Watson, Arnold Palmer, Gary Player, and many played the game with passion and competitive fire, but also behaved like gentlemen, especially when in the public eye. Tiger's behavior on the course is bad for golf. Of course all the good he does for golf far outweighs the bad, but his antics do detract to some measure from his contribution. I'm an active father and take full responsibility for teaching my son to behave properly. The point is does Tiger want me to tell my son "see how Tiger conducts himself even when it's going bad?" or "i don't care if Tiger does it, you can't behave that way?"
ReplyDeletesorry, Golf Girl...wrong again. You can have it both ways, look at Palmer, Nicklaus, etc. through the years.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you say that men are just jealous. Well I could say that women agree with Tiger just so he will like them.
And please, it's role model, not roll model.
No, sorry to you Anonymous. Patricia hits the nail on the head multiple times in her post here.
ReplyDeleteFor you to say that women only like Tiger Woods so he will like them is not only embarrassingly sexist, it is insultingly shallow. And who, pray tell us, WHO appointed you the spokesperson for *all* women? It would probably be news to a great many of them.
Finally, it is petty for you to call Patricia out for a minor typographical error. Given your grammatical mistakes in your riposte - not capitalizing the first word of a sentence, for example - perhaps you should reconsider the aphorism of not casting stones in a glass house.
Mr. Charles Boyer, you are a gentleman!!!
ReplyDeleteYes, anonymous, say your opinion but no character assasination to make a point.
Ashgolf, been years now, and I still have the same reaction when I see it.."I wish I will be like Earl Woods and rear a child like that!" and then I then tears come out!!! hahahahah!
Anon et al - Sorry about the typos I think I changed them all...but actually I you've got to admit, even if Tiger isn't everyone's perfect role model, he's definitely a good "roll" model when his putting is on. Ha Ha... OK sorry, I know, it's not that funny.
ReplyDeleteA roll model that's just what I need right now my putting has been disastrous of late. :)
ReplyDeleteWe'd all love to see all of our public figures embody the values that we hold dear. But there are just too many of us, with too many different values for that to be possible. So you choose the celebrities that share your values and those are the ones you hold up to your children
ReplyDeleteThis debate isn't merely about Tiger, it's about maintaining 'high' standards.
ReplyDeleteIt has already been mentioned that Nicklaus, Player and Palmer maintained 'exceptionally high' standards for very many years, when as much was at stake, whilst 'representing the game of golf'. Come to think of it, I don't recall Ernie Els ever having to resort to club throwing and using 'f' word expletives. Club throwing Tommy Bolt (for those of you who are old enough to remember) wasn't well respected by the public nor the media, because of his on course antics. But Tommy Bolt was not as high a media figure as Woods.
When Tiger Woods signed the Nike $40m sponsorship to turn pro, he was representing not only Nike but the 'face of golf' as he already knew how much media attention he was attracting - he also knew that kids would follow his every move and hero-worship him. IMHO, he has partially failed in his duty to his sponsor and is in danger of lowering the standards of golf, but moreso he has failed his fans, as many parents have taken their kids to the event to show them how golf should be played....not how 'not to behave'.
There is absolutely nothing wrong in wanting to continually maintain 'high standards of etiquette on the golf course - after all it is a relaxation in 'standards' within society in general that has created some of the biggest problems within very many countries.
I agree parents DO have a role to play, the individual has a responsibility, but those who have chosen to be in the 'celebrity limelight' also have a role to play to society to maintain high standards if they value this world in which we live...as much as others. Clearly, Woods doesn't....Nicklaus does!
Sure, I would class my father as a role model, but not in every facet of life. As a golfer, no thanks....so I will like others, especially kids, look outside of family. In terms of 'high standards', sure my father has high standards which I've tried to maintain over the years (sometimes well, sometimes not so well)...it's naive to think that parents are the ONLY role models.
Finally, men critize Woods because we are jealous? This author is in no way jealous of Tiger Woods - I wouldn't exchange positions if I was offered it - I already LOVE what I do.......all that media attention is not for me thanks. I just don't think he is maintaining the high standards set by the very people he is trying to emulate in terms of golfing achievements. It's a great shame that he can't emulate their high standards in terms of etiquette.
In Australia we have something called "Tall Poppy Syndrome" - it's where we have to find something wrong with someone who's done well for themselves to bring them down to size - it helps people feel better about themselves by finding fault with others.
ReplyDeleteNobody's perfect. I love my father to death and he taught me a great many things that helped me accomplish a lot of what I've done today. I also learnt most of my swearing vocabulary from watching him play golf. I've even seen him throw a fairway wood 50 meters down the fairway. Do I think that's right? No. Do I respect him any less? Absolutely not. For all of of his faults, he is still a great man in my eyes who helped guide me to what he hoped to be a better man than himself.
I see a lot of parents blame others for the behavior of their kids. Child carers, teachers, grandparents, tv, and apparently sports stars. There's one thing I know for a fact - shielding your children from the bad things of the world doesn't teach them how to deal with the rights and wrongs of a situation. The job of a parent is to guide their child in what's right and wrong. Part of that is to help children to recognise which behaviour to follow, and when to make a conscious decision to not copy behaviours that are wrong. It's also to recognise that not everyone's perfect, and people make mistakes.
You can learn a lot from Tiger - a lot of good stuff, and a little bit of bad stuff. It's the job of parents to show their kids the difference. But at the end of the day, Tiger's human - he's not a robot that doesn't show emotion. Everyone's entitled to their bad days. Let him have his in peace.
I've said it before and I'll keep saying it. As an imperfect golfing mother I admit to dropping a colorful word or two on the golf course in front of my kids (although very rare).
ReplyDeleteI don't think that makes me a bad role model for my kids. It makes me human and one who makes mistakes.
I always apologize and explain there are so many other words we can use to express our frustration. We try and come up with funny/creative sayings to replace other words.
I love my son's current phrase, "Oh Clutter Monkeys!" I have no idea what it means, but it works.
I know I sound like a broken record on this one, but I am one of those terrible moms that makes my kids ride the school bus. What they have heard on the school bus tops anything (by far) they have ever heard from Tiger or anyone else on the course. Still, learning to deal with such behavior is an important life lesson- IMHO.
BTW, I'm not just saying this so Tiger will like me. Do you think he likes me? ;o)
Again, nice post Patricia.
I thought sure TXQ would have used the, "My baker is my 'roll' model pun. PH, real classy with anon, especially with the very first word of his comment being a typo.
ReplyDeleteHeather, I'll email you what "Clutter Monkey" means. HINT: It involves two clergymen, a stripper and a midget (small person)...
I found this comment interesting:
ReplyDeleteMy husband, who's been known to oversimplify even the most complex issue, suggested, "All men are jealous of Tiger Woods, even if they really like him. These guys are just relishing the opportunity to call him out on something."
I would agree with part of that statement. I think all male golfers are jealous of Tiger. I know I wish I had his abilities. But it doesn't make me hate on him, or look for reasons to call him out.
In fact, I look at his recent behavior and I can reflect on some of my own in the past that was similar. And I understand the struggle to better yourself and maintain a cool head on the golf course when things are going bad.
On the same note, I think the same could be said for women and supermodels. My wife is always telling me that "women are nastier to other women than men are to other men". I bet there are women out there who hate supermodels just because of their looks, and look for any way to tear them down. Not all women, but some I'm sure.
Yes lot of women are jealous of supermodels and I've wanted to tear a few down myself, LOL. But I don't agree at all that "women are nastier to other women than men are to other men". If you look around you'll see men are much more likely to be hostile to each other and guarded when introduced to other men, while women are much more social and more likely to bond...and just less aggressive in general. Yes, lots of generalizing there, but basically true I think.
ReplyDeleteWell, sure, men are more agressive in a physical sense. When we are pissed at another guy we usually take it outside, beat on each other a little bit, and call it a day. The way my wife explained it to me is that women will talk about each other behind their backs, and are usually much more cruel to each other in the pscyhological arena.
ReplyDeleteHow's this for ironic. When I started scanning the internet for stories about Tiger and his feisty ways what I found the most of were stories about how boring he is. Story after story "Brilliant but Boring", "Why Tiger Woods is Boring", Is Tiger Woods the Most Boring Person on the Planet?" and lots more each talked about how he showed too little emotion and was too cold and calculating. WTF? Something doesn't jive with all these comments and stories about him being so firery and demonstrative. I'm in Mr. GolfGirl's camp - guys are jealous and want to call him out. And you guys can't even agree on why to call him out.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite "Boring Tiger" story was the SI.Com zinger that voted him the second most boring athlete and said things like, "Eldrick works hard on perpetuating that cool, calm and collected image. He makes no waves, takes no stances".
Honestly, look around the sports world at dogfighting, adultery, steroids, drugs, rape allegations, and so on. Tiger is not involved in any of this. Tiger says a few curse words and tosses his clubs from time to time. So what?
ReplyDeleteHis effects on children are much more positive than negative. People are just looking for something bad to say about him.
Hey PH,
ReplyDeleteI remember years ago when my now professional golfer son was having temper tantrums on the golf course.
In my efforts to corral his behavior, I once threw myself on the ground after a bad shot. He was MORTIFIED!!
"Mom, GET UP!" he pleaded.
I got my point across!
I like the expression of emotion. It is real. What I admire about Tiger is that anger comes out and then it is done. He goes on to get the job done.
I found it interesting that we women are more accepting...hmmmm.
Thanks for your post, as always, you get us thinking!
Cheers!
Catherine