I've always been thought of as very athletic, because of my natural physical ...attributes... like strength and endurance.
Growing up, my Dad, a phys-ed teacher and coach, pushed me to do every possible sport...to no avail. Because what I don't have is the "competitive gene".
I've always hated competition (waiting on the starting blocks at swim meets for the gun to go off is my absolute worst childhood memory). I never felt motivated to be "first". So I never was. I did OK with gymnastics, and I made the field hockey and basketball teams, but that was more for the social aspect, Unlike some of my teammates, I was never really into the competition part.
I loved cycling, by myself, and later rollerblading, scuba diving, rock climbing, snowboarding... outdoor physical activities that were not competitive. I could just never get excited by the idea of "being the best" or "beating the rest".
And I think that's a genetic thing, an inborn temperament. I suspect lots of parents make a mistake here. They sense their child's physical ability but don't sense his/her competitive spirit (or lack thereof) and everyone ends up disappointed and frustrated. When star athletes aren't spawned from ...all those expensive lessons...it's a letdown. Doing the sport "just for fun" doesn't quite cut it.
Often, at a party or social gathering, I'll find myself
And that's the thing; I think what these guys are actually thinking is; she'd never be compelled to excel, or to be No.1 so why bother.
And, they just write it off...their wives do too, because the perception among many is that golf is not worth playing "just for fun". And that's where I'm trying to change some attitudes. I love golf, even though I'm not good...at all. I work on my game with lessons and at the range, but I'm just not desperate to improve, I'm much more about the fun factor.
I'm really convinced that this philosophy needs to be accepted ...and even embraced...if we want this game...and the courses, instructors, manufacturers and tournaments... to survive and thrive, this economic downturn. Because quite frankly, the vast majority of us humans, no matter how "athletic" we may be, will never be excellent at golf. But we sure can have fun with it, and that's how we'll grow this game.
Patricia, I think your spot on this one. People sometimes overlook the fact that playing golf does not mean the same thing for everyone. For a majority people, myself included I play for fun, but I also strive to get better at the game through lessons, etc. Everyone has a different reason and motive. Even if your a competitive person, you need to love what your doing to be successful. And most importantly have fun!
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I agree, and anyone who really loves the game should certainly keep this in mind. Even if you yourself take it very seriously, you should not discourage or belittle others who play purely for fun. Otherwise over the next few years as courses close and golf businesses fail it could become what it was when I was growing up in the 60s, accessible only to very few. Than would be a shame.
ReplyDeletePatricia,
ReplyDeleteI admire your honesty. Too many people take on golf because they think it will teach them to more competitive and then find out that that takes all the fun out of golf.
I agree with Rob, a sense of purpose really helps to keeps someone playing golf. Striving to improve one's golf skill is the natural purpose of learning to play golf. To most people playing better golf is more fun than not. Going into golf to have fun but not want to improve the golf skills will eventually lead to asking one's self..why bother.
I feel purpose is what keeps people playing golf and the quest for continual improvement in playing golf is the natural purpose of learning to play golf...at least that is what is fun to me.
The competitive gene is in everyone...we could not survive without it. Confidence and ability is what triggers the competitiveness and there is fun to competing in golf..and losing in golf can be just as much fun. Just look at the three guys who lost in the Skins Game this past weekend...you can't tell me they were not having fun playing competitively. Believe it or not, you are probably more competitive in golf than you may realize.
Golf Girl, your... attributes... and I'm not talking about strength and endurance, don't go unnoticed. You'd be welcome at my club anytime. ;}
ReplyDeleteI think the problem comes in when one golfer tries to impose his attitude on another golfer, which happens often even without even realizing it.
ReplyDeleteI think when someone starts out in this game takes a series of lessons and get the the etiquette & rules down, they should be able to go out and play on a course and move on at their own pace as they see fit. It's been proven time and again that it is NOT the beginners who slow down play. It's the good low handicap players struggling to lower their scores. (or inebriated clowns out in the woods looking for their balls- but thats another story)
I've seen husbands who have the conviction (like Mr.BG expressed)that their wives would enjoy the game much more if only they got better. So it's "no driver, and no golf course - no actual playing - for months and months. Just lessons/the range, lessons/the range till the wives finally give up. The husbands mean well, but they're imposing their values on their wives. So it's not working. I think Patricia is wanting that to change. I agee too.
It took years for me to accept this dichotomy; I have trouble participating in any activity without trying always to improve toward some ideal. Most of my friends just play. One of them explains it simply: "I play golf to be social."
ReplyDeleteMy orientation is: "I play golf for golf, and I can be social if I have to." (You can get out most easily on a busy golf course if you arrive as a single.)
The appeal to me of golf, billiards, martial arts, climbing, kayaking, and even gardening is that these activities are about you trying to reach the level you want to reach. You don't need anyone else against whom to test yourself.
My mother-in-law was a terrific golfer. She gave me great advice years ago. "If you ever want to spend time with David in your retirement years, learn how to play golf!" I took the game up 'late in life' primarily to have a sport to share with my husband who is an avid golfer. We play couples tournaments & enjoy foursomes with our friends. Our social life is really an outgrowth of the game of golf. My level of play doesn't approach his, but my mother-in-law couldn't have been more accurate in her advice. I golf to enjoy the experience. And if I can improve, that makes the experience even more fun.
ReplyDeleteI think women are still at adisadvantage in golf for two reasons:: First because as kids they're not as likely to learn. Because normally their Moms don't play. So boys will be introduced to the game by their Dads, go to the range with him then to the course while the girls would probably choose to go shopping with Mom. I know that's changing, but slowly. Then when a family has young kids. Let's face it - the Mother spends much more time taking care of the family than the Father. I see it with my friends none of the the wives would ever want to play with us on Sat becaus they have too much to do ...and they really do. Then by the time the kids leave and the wives have the time, the husbands are telling them they've got to improve their skill before they get out on the course, and they give up. Sounds sexist, I know. I know its changing too. But it would be great if it could change faster, :)
ReplyDeleteGolf is just too expensive and too difficult to ever be popular. Which is a shame because it really is a beautiful sport. Let's hope it makes it way into the Olympics at least that would help as far as audience is concerned...once every 4 years anyway.
ReplyDeleteI think that you are more like me in that your competitive instincts run more towards competing within yourself rather than with others. I don't need to win to have a good time in sports but that doesn't mean I'm not competing. I'm looking to improve my self, my mental and physical abilities and that of my team mates (in team sports). I wax poetic on this a bit in my article Golf and the Single Golfer.
ReplyDeleteI hope that this message gets out to people who are involving their children and spouses in any sporting endeavour. We don't all need to be Tiger.
Shalom
And by the way, thanks for the link to Real Women Golf. I look forward to reading more of her stuff. My 9 year old daughter is starting to express an interest in golf and I'm hoping to be able to encourage that in her.
ReplyDeleteAloha
I kept thinking about my own competitiveness after commenting over at Heather's blog.
ReplyDeleteWith the guys on weekends, golf is all about winning 2 or 3 of their dollars. It's not important how much I win, just that I win.
Golf is quite different but equally stimulating when Joanna and I vacation in Arizona and New Mexico. We play for just the pure pleasure of enjoying the outdoors. The score is not so important as just being with a good friend - my wife of many years - and sharing the joy of a accurate approach shot, the beauty of the Southwest desert, and the unstressed hours in the sun.
I want both golfs to continue for a few decades.
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