It's been ten rumor-filled weeks since the Tiger Woods Scandal broke, and you know what I'm getting really tired of? Guys chastising Tiger for cheating. ...In fact, it's starting to annoy me. Big time.
Probably because the consternation is frequently followed by a self-congratulatory segue into how they've never cheated on their spouse. ~ As I've said numerous times since Thanksgiving, I'd far rather be married to a husband who cheats than one who congratulates himself for not cheating... and I've discovered that most women share my sentiment on this. ~ The fact is, I've found women to be far less sanctimonious and judgmental than men when it comes to the so called "Tiger transgressions".
Women ...particularly married women... also seem, far less likely than men to blame the marital woes of Mr. and Mrs. Woods on mistresses.
More than anything else the Tiger Woods scandal confirmed what many of us have long believed: that when it comes to issues of sex, marriage, family and fidelity... men and women simply experience things differently, and as such shouldn't attempt to speak for the the opposite sex... or presume to know what he/she wants. Because chances are, you don't. And that brings me to New York Daily News sports columnist Filip Bondy. I don't know Mr. Bondy... and he may or may not be one of the self-congratulatory non-cheaters... but his article in the "Tiger Woods section" of today's Daily News makes it clear from the get-go that he sees himself as a defender of the fair sex, indignantly calling Tiger Woods' decision to come back at the Masters in Augusta, "his latest shot at women".
The article touches briefly on institutionalized sexism at Augusta National which is, in fact, an issue that many women ... and quite a few men... agree is worthy of ongoing debate. However the Daily News sports scribe quickly moves on to the "gallivanting, womanizing ways" of Mr. Woods. Then later, comes a misguided attempt at analogy,
"Woods treated his wife in a similar fashion, barring her from membership in his real life while objectifying other women in the worst sort of way. He was playing. Elin was watching, never fully informed about the rules of his game".Bondy also hints that he feels Tiger should have skipped at least one major to show remorse. And if that's how Mr. Bondy sees it that's fine but he seems surprised that women's groups aren't lining up in solidarity with his condemnation of the Augusta comeback plan. And he expresses disappointment that not even the once-militant Martha Burk would return his emails on the subject.
That brings me back to the Man/Woman dichotomy. And here's the thing guys: most women don't take Tiger's infidelities personally. That's right. Much as you may think they do...much as you may think they should...they just don't. For us ladies, it's someone else's marriage, and we're generally not going to presume we know what was happening in it. With Tiger Woods, most women I spoke to just didn't see the extramarital affairs as relevant... and it hardly surprises me that serious women's organizations would decline to associate an ongoing struggle for equality with salacious, pop-culture rumors.
As far as the choice to come back at Augusta, it appears to have been a decision made the way Tiger Woods and his team have always made decisions. Again women just aren't taking it personally.
And finally, Tiger's hypothetical slap in every woman's face? The one Mr. Bondy ends his article with? Nope, we're not feeling than either.
Top Photo:Getty Images/Middle Photo:GolfGirlMedia/Bottom Image:Getty ImagesGolf Pundit Patricia Hannigan, for a female perspective on the Tiger Woods scandal.
With all due respect - and I enjoy your blog - your attitude seems a bit cavalier. There was a time when a man's word, and his marriage vows, meant something. If a man's word is no good, then he is no good. In golf you don't like to play with cheaters. In business you don't like dealing with liars and cheats, You can make judgments without being judgmental. all my bestter
ReplyDeleteI just feel like what happens in a marriage is intensely personal and I wouldn't venture to pass judgment on a marriage from the outside... there are too many variables. And in this particular scandal I feel like men were far quicker to pass judgment on Tiger Woods than women were.
ReplyDeleteAdditionally I had so many men telling me that "as a woman", I should be offended ... if they had said "as a person" you should be offended but they didn't seem to see it that way. It's an interesting topic though ... thanks for commenting. :O)
I have said it on Twitter, Facebook, and maybe on this blog:
ReplyDeleteSociety has allowed a change in moral values and its institutions treat morality differently. Yes, at one time a man's word and vows were honored. To do so brought shame down on him from all angles.
Now we have lawyers who draw up agreements to cover all angles while other lawyers find that one loophole that is perhaps caused by a change in law or in society's perception.
We find literature, TV, movies, etc. extolling the ability of people to be unfaithful but still have everything work out good at the end of the plot. We are saturated with this change in "values".
Men and women, during whatever level of strength or weakness, are giving in to unfaithfulness of varying degrees. Now we have counselors to "cure" their 'disease'. Society has changed and few have stood up and said anything about it.
Tiger is part of this society as we all are. He 'lost his way' like so many have. He had to money to make the lust go to levels few can afford. How many people do we learn about who have 1 or more children from different partners in or out of marriage.
If society favors this behavior in general then we can't condemn it on an individual basis while this behavior runs amuck all over our nations. If we are to condemn Tiger then we better condemn everyone who has been found out to have engaged in this type of behavior.
That's it. The envelope keeps getting pushed further and further.
ReplyDeleteThe other day I saw an ad on a normal channel and a normal hour... for a married dating service. And it was presented as ... totally normal! The tagline was "life is short, have an affair".
Um, when did that become OK? Then we're shocked when we find our about someone we respect having an affair?
hmmmm
ReplyDeletethis sounds much like your post on my facebook wall when the story broke a few months back. At that time I was trying to repair a relationship damaged by infidelity in my past. I am not being sanctimonious when I say my opinion of Tiger has been damaged.
I don't see a difference between men and women. Overall people seem to break into thirds: one third just sees Tiger the greatest golfer in history...nothing else matters, the third group has lost all respect for Tiger as morals trump golf ability. In the middle is a huge group that respects Tiger the golfer, and are dissapointed by Tiger the man ...most of us are waiting to see what happens. He is just a human...like us...he is not perfect...although his golf game sometimes makes him seem perfect.
What TW did was not a simple affair where he gave into a simple desire for another. Tiger didn't make a misstep and fall. Somewhere else I alluded to Rocky running up the steps in Philadelphia in the movie.
ReplyDeleteTiger seems to have fallen down each of those steps. It's too bad he did not say "D'oh" the way Homer Simpson might have at each step. If he had, he might have realized he was out of control.
The women I've talked are not happy with Mr. Woods AT ALL, but they don't see it as a reflection of their own marriage either. Why should they?
ReplyDeleteNot many people can relate to the kind of life Mr. Woods has. IMHO the scandal simply distances Mr. Woods even more from their lives.
Family and kids make some of our "superheroes" appear more real or like us. But they are not. They are very different in many, many ways.
For any one person to think any other person should share their sentiment or outrage on a particularly sensitive sexual topic is ludicrous. In that regard, Flip Bondy is more ridiculous than Al Bundy.
ReplyDeleteChris Rock says that men are "as faithful as their options"...Hmmm
Let's discuss only male infidelity. I do not have problems with males who are generally outraged by Tiger's actions. If, they are remaining faithful for the right reasons.
I maintain that given the opportunity to be with an incredibly beautiful woman without ANY chance whatsoever of being found out is a good test. But, you don't take that test at home on the couch watching 'Home Alone II' with the wife and kids. You are on a business trip, a golf trip or just at a bar with some buddies and you have had a few beers and this incredibly sexy woman walks up, whispers in your ear and hands you the key to her room. If you can refuse to participate, I will listen to any criticism you have of other people's morals.
Pardon my crudeness, but there are guys who are either very unattractive, have zero personalities or have certain body odors and could not get laid with a fistful of fifties. I have zero interest in what you have to say.
Basically, this writer seems have an issue with Augusta National. He's a New York liberal so naturally "an Augusta National issue" is in his DNA.
ReplyDeleteHis marriage is an intensely personal matter. But his fabricated image used to flog loads of gear as a squeaky clean family man is not. The TW brand was deliberately misleading to rake in more dollars.
ReplyDeleteYes, I guess my point is more that I've encountered so many guys... such as the author of the Daily News article... who try to convince me that my opinion of Tiger Woods should be shaped by the fact that I'm a woman... and that I should take his actions, both in his marriage and in choosing to come back at Augusta should as an affront against women. And I just don't. I think Tiger is an equal opportunity affronter. ;)
ReplyDeleteI simply like golf better with Tiger Woods in it. Period. Not that I don't love (and write about) myriad other much less famous players ... I DO. much more often than most other writers do (to be honest I never covered Tiger that much - neither before the scandal or since).
It's just interesting because I do feel that men judge him more harshly than women in general and I was curious as to whether other people found that.
Good Lord, Patricia, it's "Daily News" not "Daley News" and segue, not segway, (isn't that a store:):)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad the rest of the world doesn't take marriage so glibly and casually as you.
Sorry for the spelling my proof reader had the day off :o) Corrected, corrected. Thanks... Oh, and ...take marriage so glibly and casually? Me?
ReplyDeleteGirl - Watch out for the spelling police! ;))) I've noticed the exact same thing. Many Men see this as a story full of women victims, & they think all women should feel victimized by it. The fact is, most women I know don't relate to Elin because we know nothing about her except that she was married to a billionaire sports icon, and we don't relate to the mistresses, as we don't date married men. So, no victims for us to relate to. We don't personalize this story.
ReplyDeleteI see it too and it is not only the Tiger Woods story. I meet a lot of men lately who make it seem like they are making a big sacrifice by not cheating. They meke it seem like for men not cheating is something tremendously difficult and they should be praised for it.
ReplyDeleteThe vast majority of men are just as excluded from Augusta National as women are.
ReplyDeleteI think people have started to see it for what it a kind of time capsule. A very exclusive private club that happens to host a public golf tournament.
There are a couple of clubs out in AZ right now that are in court fighting segregation charges. But these are cases where women are members and pay the same amount as men, but can't use some of the restaurants and can't get the good tee times. Apparently they don't make this known, and in one of the cases a woman found out and wanted to quit, but they wouldn't give her her money back. Most feel the clubs will lose these cases.
The analogy of the separation of church and state seems to apply here. I love that people feel the need to inject their opinions and feelings into this scandal when it totally has no bearing. I applaud your position that someone else's transgressions in their personal lives should not be taken personally by others outside of the situation.
ReplyDeleteI agree with "Refugee's' take on the matter for the most part. TW is not the first golfer to have a woman in every town (or in his case, on every tee it seems.) He's just a guy who wanted it both ways.
ReplyDeleteGood Lord, Ashgolf, it's "make" not meke
ReplyDeleteand it is a sacrifice some of us are clearly not willing to make.